Telemarketer Fun Aka: "Fred"

Today has been telemarker call me day. I have been hit with about four in a row. (Three in the last hour. ) So I decided to have some fun with them.


One was looking for a handout for a local charity. I can understand that one.

One was looking for me to advertise on a local golf course. Still in the understandable area.

But two were looking to talk with the owner or manager of the company to discuss my listing in google, etc. Time for fun!

Ring ring!

Me: Hello, this is Victor Kent.

Him: (in heavy accent): Can I speak to the owner or manager please>

Me: Oh, god! Is this about one of or employees? Is it Fred? Did Fred do something again. I mean that fred is always getting us into trouble...

Him: Sorry. (Hung up)

OK so a couple of hours go by and another gent with a heavy accent calls and asks the same thing...(same script). But he wasn't as easy to discourage....but he was more fun.

Ring ring!

Me: Hello, this is Victor Kent.

Him: (in heavy accent): Can I speak to the owner or manager please>

Me: Oh, god! Is this about one of or employees? Is it Fred? Did Fred do something again. I mean that Fred is always getting us into trouble.

Him: No, it's...

Me: (giving no room) Did Fred touch someone inappropriately. He did that once and I haven't had a minute rest since then.

Him: Who is Fred?

Me: Oh we got in so much trouble...

Him: Can we get to business? Who is Fred?

Me: You're not calling about Fred?

Him: no! Can we get to business?

ME:Sure, what's this about. You sure it's not about Fred?

Him: I don't know Fred. I am calling about your listing?

Me: So why did you bring up Fred?

Him: I didn't I don't know a Fred. (His tone was telling me he knew I was messing with him and he was getting angry) I"m calling about your Internet listing.

Me: What listing?

Him: You Internet listing. You know, with Google and search engines.

Me: Hey wait a minute. I handle those listings.

Him: Yes sir, are you the manager or owner?

Me: I am the manager and owner. And I handle the listings. Why are you calling me? I am the man who goes on line and manages those listings!

Him: Yes, but....

Me: Unless you are me you can't be the one managing those listings.....You aren't me are you?

Him: Sir....

Me: You can't be me because I am sitting right here and I....

Him: Well (audibly angry) you're not me either.

Me: I didn't say I was...You called here claiming to manage my listings when I manage my own listings so you were claiming to be me and I know you're not me....

Him:tried to talk over me during this and all I caught was him saying) ...blah blah blah, havagooday! hang up.........

Scene, print!

Notice I didn't pick on the Charity telemarketer nor the advertising local guy. They had legitimate reasons to contact me. The other guys were vultures. They phish about looking for someone who will buy their lines then waste their money. They can't improve my listing on Google. Try Googling me or my company and we are the first every time and we are within the top five in comparative or relative searches. All without the help of one of these telemarketers.

By the way, if you start a phone conversation by asking for the manager or owner or say, "Hi, how are you today" and I don't know you....you might get razzed....just for my on fun!