Monday, May 25, 2009

Last day at the Silver Dollar Fair---Confrontations and resolutions

Memorial Day, the day to say thank you to those who have died to keep us safe and to those who were injured to keep us free and those who have sacrificed time and much more to give us liberty...to those men and women I say a heart filled thank you. I come from many generations of military and in fact I am the first in many generations not to go into the service....I am the black sheep. But to my brother in law serving in Afghanistan I sincerely send my gratitude and prayers for his safe return.

We celebrated Memorial Day with three shows. With the first show being the blow-out best of the day and the second being the worst of the 4 days....not that it was bad...it was the hottest time on the hottest day of the fair and the numbers and enthusiasm wanes in the heat. The last show was great...almost as good as show one.


My good friends JC Dunn visited bearing gifts; he brought us a bunch of tiny bananas and fresh fruit and vegies. I guess he saw the juckfood we were eating the other day and wanted to help keep us healthy. My best bud Bill Jackson (also a Magician) aslo came out to visit It is always a pleasure to see him. The little ones, Bill and I all went for a nice post gig stroll. It was quaint. Always good to hang out with Bill and JC.

I suppose there was a bit of adrenalin in Show one that helped. A little background will help. In the ten or so year past we have performed seven times at the Silver Dollar Fair. The very first year we met the fair-supplied sound guys. it would be a rocky relationship to the end.

(These guys aren't pro sound folks and their equipment by pro standard was rock bottom with feed back all the time and phantom power spikes often as well as a number of other problems including variable sound shifts during the performance. But at first they also provided the fair with a western band {local garage type} so I am assuming the sound system was tossed in of maybe visa-versa. I should mention that the entire crew is two men, both amateurs, both brooding in character...I assumed the mean one was the leader but the quiet one told me they were partners...but the mean one certainly treated the quiet one like a subordinate. Over the years their equipment hasn't really improved and they have both enlarged and actually do very little work in regards to sound...though I noticed the fair doesn't hire their band anymore.)

I don't want to sound negative...though I am sure a I do. This story is just to illustrate that even the glamour life of performing allows one to cross paths with the not-so-nice. I have found this more often true in our California travels compared to our out-of -state trips. Go figure!

We were told, that first year, to share the closet on the stage with the sound guys to store our stuff. The sound guys didn't like it (but management made them concur)and when we had gone home for the night they moved our stuff chipping a fresh paint job on a new prop. I confronted them the next day and was called a liar but they did admit to moving it. But they wouldn't look me in the eye the rest of the fair. (A simple, "I'm sorry, it was a mistake." would've ended it.) So we brought in a trailer to store our stuff and not have to deal with that situation.

(This year duirng their set up and tear down of the music acts that shared our stage the sound guys' speaker where stressed many times as they struggled with phantom power problems and other situations of thier own creating.)

The next year we had our wireless mic plugged into their system. As I mentioned their system was quirky and whould often spike due to their phanton-power problems and due to the low-end stuff they use. Any pro would put a limiter inbetween the mixer/amp and the speakers to protect blowing out the speakers. Well, during one of their spikes I pulled our $600 mic reciever plug out of their mixer to prevent damage to our stuff. He siad I blew his speakers. He became a stalker of sorts because after the fair was over for weeks he would call and eventually he came to my house hasseling us. To shut him I paid him the money he wanted and thought that would end it. BUT>>>>>

A few years later we are back at the fair. By this time we only use our own systems and NEVER get anywhere near their stuff. They considered that an insult. But then again we had invested in really nice equipment being guided by seasoned pros we had met across the country including the main sound guy for Merle Hagard. ( Who by the way concurred the scenario of me blowing that guys speakers was ludicrous. ) They took that as an insult and the valley between us widened. So much so that I caught the quiet one actually slamming one of our cords on the ground bending the sleeve of the jack. He didn't see me standing nearby and once he noticed me he did a quick double take then pretended not to see me. I confronted him and he denied it. I was vexed...in fact I was nearly out of my head angry. With no recourse I gave the family standing orders to always be present when our equipment was out. The valley was now a giant gorge.

I want to mention that I don't think these men are inherently evil. They have friends and they must being doing something right to keep getting their sound rebooked....even if it's the only fair or event they do...might be their price. I think we had a bad start and stupid things made the initial wound worse and worse until .....now. I also want that to avoid confrontation I have not confronted them or had any interaction with them beyond the unavoidable (and general civil) and the times I mentioned above.

Today, the mean guy was going into and then coming out of the closet I mentioned earlier. In doing so he hit the door against our metamorphosis box just outside the door. Quietly I said, "try not to ding the box." he looked at me a smiled....You know one of "those" smiles. Then without a word he walked off. I was incredulous. I was also near the end of meekness and letting this go any further. As I told our sound-guy-roady in training what had happened mean guy walks up on stage with a Sharpie and tells me I can use it to fill in his ding and "all the others" . (The box has a ton of dings....it's supposed to appear old...Houdini's Box....the point wasn't the ding...it was the courtesy, the "Oops, I'm sorry". ) With pen in hand he disappeared behind the stage. No longer meek I knew I had to confront him, no violence, no anger just straight-forward "what's your problem?" and get this taken care of. So I followed him....he went into the men's room and into a stall. I followed....but not into the stall. I confronted him...granted there was a stall door between us. He came out and came nose to nose with me. The chocolate he had eaten earlier rank on his breath....(I think he thought this might intimidate me) I didn't move. I told him that this years of junk had to stop. he had dinged my equipment and not apologized. He burnt out his speakers and blamed me...i detailed my research and proof that I couldn't have destroyed the speakers, he called me a liar, he called me an ass and a "crap-christian" He compared me to Dick Cheney (which told me his politics and them I knew reason had no chance) but he did say it was good my kids didn't inherit my crapiness. I kept on target...I wasn't going to be drawn into his name-calling, his ad-homonym attacks. I felt his anger and part of me was hoping he would take a swing. But I moved forward in this nose to nose and it was he who backed up and retreated into his stall yelling, "Crap christian" "Ass". I honked back, "Just the truth"...just telling the truth". I walked out to the echo of his "you're and ass. Crap-christian". (I should mention he considers himself a Christian. His term "crap-Christian" was meant to call me a bad Christian. ). My goal was to hammer it out or go nose to nose and let him know that I wasn't playing his game. I called him no foul names nor spoke any lies nor did I give into the desire to go after him in a personal way. I wanted to stay on the facts.
Some of you may wonder why I never took it to the manager. For goodness sake man, I am a man not a child. I don't run to the nearest teacher or mommy to complain. I try to work it out with the individual first. (Case in point coming up.) But I will be filing a grievance against this man with the fair board (in fact most of this blog will be included) since their is no rational way to deal with me mean -guy and his quiet friend.

Now here is another situation that had other results. At fairs their are folks with all kids of personalities. So you are bound to have personality conflicts. The owner of a small circus at the fair and I were chatting when he turned the conversation to politics. I told him it's better we not argue that. (He and I are on opposite spectrums). But he kept bating me and I bit. With the bite he pointed out that I hypocritically was arguing politics with him. The end of the conversation ended with me leaving in a huff and him going to his backstage in a huff. Well I knew I was in the wrong to take his baiting, regardless. I also knew our paths would cross many times. So I manned it up and marched myself to his tent and apologized for allowing myself to be drawn in. Then I suggested he and I never talk politics and for good measure religion. He concurred, then started trying to make his point from the day before....his grown son at that point said, "Dad. You agreed not to talk politics." And he quieted down. We then spent the next 20 minutes talking about the fair business and show business.

Both men had a rage inside them And I felt it. I have discovered that my son James and I have the ability to empathize with others....not psychologically but physically...we actually feel the feelings of others as if they were our own feelings. It's odd. But we have experienced it so often it has become undeniable. The problem is if someone near us is angry we feel angry. if sad, we feel sad. It's not that we can easily rationalize out that it's someone else's feelings...we just feel it. In both the men I mention their was a deep ferocious anger. But today I remained master of the beast and in one case was able to tame it...for now. For the other, there was nothing I could do. I knew, because I had no anger in me today, not even for the mean guy, that the feelings I felt were his. I saw them in his eyes and smelt it on his breath. And while I still felt his anger I felt sorry for him too. It's as though I glimpsed his pain. The circus man, I felt his anger as I came near him but I felt something else as I apologized (specifically for my being baited and being drawn into the fight). I felt a smugness come across him. I smiled. He was feeling like he had one a tiny battle in a life that has been unfair. I felt it with him. Odd, I also felt myself feel sorry for him that such a thing would bring such a pride.

God gives all of us so many wonderful gifts. The sound man is a good singer, well fair, better than me. The circus man a good old fashioned performer. I enjoy his show. They both have friends and are probably good citizens. There are just things that happen when the chemistry of personality and the sin of pride rules our lives. And it is often not very pleasant. I will include myself in there too.

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